Best laid plans!

So what happens when you combine a 3 year old, a 2 year old, a 15 month old, and a 9 month old and then try to shoot beautiful family photos?

You get a whole lot of THIS:

I don't think any of those are Christmas card worthy, but were too fun to not share!!

Of Cowboy Boots & Underpants

So this week Little Man has been all about wearing his cowboy boots-- or his "Ah-Gon Bruce boots" (Ah-Gon= Grandpa in Taiwanese) as he often refers to them.  He rediscovered them on Tuesday night and wore them every day for the rest of the week. I tried offering crocs or sneakers, but nope, he wanted Cowboy boots!

Every day he styled them differently:

Tuesday Night:  Diapers & boots


Wednesday: Silly Monkey t-shirt & shorts


Thursday: Race car pajamas (he refused to get dressed this morning)


Friday: Mr. Happy shirt & a backpack. He put his boots on the wrong feet, just to mix it up a bit!


Of course, the cowboy boot fixation was not the BIG news of the week. The BIG news is that Little Man has started potty training in earnest and has been wearing underwear every day since Wednesday and has only had 3 accidents.  On Friday, he got to pick out his new big boy underwear. He, of course, picked out the Lightning McQueen underwear.

I am having mixed feelings about all this potty training. One one hand I love the idea of no more diapers, but on the other, it means that my baby is becoming more of a boy and less of a baby! THIS is a struggle for me. It is great to see him hit these milestones and to see the neat little person he is becoming, but part of me wants to just keep him little for a little bit longer. I keep looking at him and seeing his life fast-forward in front of my eyes and feel this ache when I realize that someday he will be a man who no longer lives with me (not that I want him to live with me when he is a grown man!). I just wish the little stage lasted a bit longer.

Fun Night!

Diesel is in school every night this week, which means Little Man & I are on our own. Tonight we had a really great time. Since it was 4 million degrees out today, I decided that a trip to the pool was in order. Unfortunately, when Diesel has school, I have to pick Little Man up after work and we don't get home until 6:00 or later. Little Man's bedtime is 7:30, so that doesn't leave us a ton of time. Since we had a time crunch, a proper dinner went right out the window & I fixed us some PB&J sandwiches and carrots for dinner. We were done and at the pool by 6:30.

Little Man had a BLAST!!! I am now singing the praises of water wings!! I had been raised to be anti-water wings, but they are an awesome invention and it gives Little Man more independence in the water.  He's really trying to swim with them too, so that is good.

Tonight he was jumping off the edge to me, but kept saying "back up Mama, back up!" because he actually likes going under the water when he jumps in! I think he must have jumped in the pool close to a hundred times!

By 7:00 Little Man was shivering so we headed in an he took a nice warm bath. Of course, he wanted his color drops in the tub and he chose two yellow tablets, so he took a bath in what looked like pee water! It was pretty funny!

Me, pee in the water? NEVER?

The rest of our evening was nice & quiet. We read books on the couch-- Little Man picked How I Became a Pirate and I chose In the Night Kitchen and then it was off to bed!

I love evenings like this!

Addition by Subtraction

So I've decided that my focus on downshifting of late has begun to overshadow my stuff about motherhood, therefore I'm separating them into two different blogs. This blog will be for all things Mom/general life related, and my NEW blog will be more about my "FruGoals" and "Mini-Goals" and everything that goes with that! You're more than welcome to follow me in both places!

Sunday randomness

I love this age! Little Man is so fun to hang out with (most of the time). I love that his imagination is really starting to show up. Lately he's been imagining a tiger chasing him. He'll suddenly start yelling "aaaaah a TIGER!!!" and running as fast as he can. He has also started really playing with figurines-- making them talk to each other and other interactions, as well as pretending to be other animals. It is pretty neat to watch him growing up.

It is also fun to listen to his vocabulary grow. He's becoming more interested in trying to hold conversations with us and sometimes the words he comes up with are pretty fantastic! Recently he proclaimed ice cream to be "delicious in my belly." My new favorite "thing" he has started saying is "HOLY COW!" which is cute!

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Being somewhat forgetful, I sometimes throw a load of laundry in the wash & forget that it is there, so it doesn't make it into the drier. Then the worst thing in the world happens-- funky, mildewed clothes/towels/sheets, etc. I hate that smell more than any thing! Yesterday I discovered that I had done this with a load of kitchen washcloths & towels. Gross. Then I had a brilliant brain bubble and I have solved my mildew funk problem forever!!

TEA TREE OIL!

I added several drops to the pre-wash tray of our washer (along with detergent in the regular wash area) and when the wash was done, everything smelled fresh & lovely! I'm so excited about my discovery that I had to share!

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Mini-goals for the weekend:
Yesterday I tackled the kitchen drawers and got rid of some odds & ends that I'm not currently using.
Today my goal is to come up with my "Grateful List"-- a list of everything I'm grateful for in my life.

I managed to get through some of our shredding today and to rearrange a few items for better organization & storage. I've decided to part with rolling scrapbooking box and tote bag. I haven't used them since Diesel built me my scrap-cabinet and I started doing a better job of planning what I need for crops. Now I'm able to use my "free-with-purchase" diaper bag to take everything I need when I go out scrapbooking. I have a collapsible rolling cart that I used for teaching that I can use if ever need to take more with me than fits in my bag.

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Reaffirmation that cutting out the dining out is a good idea: Today we were headed to Trader Joe's. Across the street was a Target. Little Man saw it and said "Pretzel combo!" Yeeeaaaaah. Not happening kiddo! (Though when I ran into Target to pick up one necessary item, I did get a coupon for the cafe, so I reckon we'll visit some day-- but for cheaper!)

Mini-Goal, Day 2

Today's mini-goal was to tackle one kitchen cabinet & its accompanying drawer. However, I was home alone tonight, and I had a fire lit under me! I cleaned out all of the lower cabinets-- except the bay of drawers-- PLUS the drawer under my stove.

I ended up with a HUGE pile of stuff to give-away, sell or donate (and a sparkling counter, sink & stove, because once you get going it is hard to stop).

As productive as I was, this mini-goal was pretty difficult for me. I had to part with some things that I lovingly chose to register for 5+ years ago, and which I truly wanted at that time. You see, when we were getting married, I had visions of being the kind of wife and mother who entertained & had need for tiny ramekins and porcelin Bodum casseroles with pretty wire racks to stand in. In my head, I was finally going to get to be that woman I wanted to be.

Fast-forward 5 years and we live in a 730 sq ft. condo, which was supposed to be our starter house. We were going to trade-up for a larger place after 3 years. Alas, this did not happen. Our condo is too small to do the grand-scale entertaining that I had hoped to do (or even medium-scale), so there has never been a need for the beautiful ceramic "stuff" I registered for all those years ago. 

Our family has also grown by a dog & a boy and we're constantly in a crunch for space. By parting with these unnecessary items, as tough as it was, will provide us with some much needed room. After I have finished cleaning out the entire kitchen (the upper cabinets will be even tougher), I will need to embark on rearranging what we have to better fit our needs.

So that was my wild and crazy night!! I think tomorrow's mini-goal will be a more mellow goal, but we shall see! I have some before & after shots that I'll post tomorrow. For now I'm going to sign off and say "hi" to the hubby who arrived home a little bit ago (with our sacked-out boychild who is now in bed).

Daily Mini-Goal(s)

As I am trying to simplify my life & home, I have decided that on top of my large "FruGoals" (the term I came up with, which my friend abhors, so I am now using it just to irritate her), I'm going to have at least one daily mini-goal.

Yesterday I declared the dinner table (both at home and in restaurants) a cell-phone free zone. I am in love with my iPhone and am somewhat addicted to it. Our iPhones tend to be frequent guests at our meals, so that rather than talking to each other and engaging with our son, Diesel and I are busy surfing the web or texting or whatever. Last night I realized (as Diesel was e-mailing during our meal) that this is interrupting our ability to connect with each other, so I declared the cell-phone free dinner table  (for the record, I am MUCH worse about being distracted by my phone at the table than he is). Now, the only reason a cell phone may be used at the dinner table are as follows: #1 using the calculator to figure out the tip or how to divide a bill when eating a meal out, #2 to take photos of something adorable that the boychild does, #3 some type of actual emergency.

Today I had two mini goals.
Mini-goal #1: Clean out the cabinet under the kitchen sink.
I've broken my house up into "zones" that need cleaning & organizing. Using a floor plan of our house, I denoted what needs to be done where. Rather than trying to set aside an entire weekend to try to clean and organize my house-- which hasn't happened since the week before Little Man was born-- each day I'm going to try to clean out/reorganize one of these zones.
Today's zone was the cabinet under our kitchen sink. I forgot to take a before shot, but imagine it crammed to the top with plastic grocery bags, spray bottles, drying racks, etc.
NOW it looks like this:

 

I feel a great sense of accomplishment just by cleaning and organizing ONE cabinet. I look at this photo and I am happy to see things all neat and tidy and in their places! HOORAY!

Mini-goal #2: Reduce "eDrain" (on-going goal)

eDrain is the term I came up with for the way that our electronics can suck us in and eat up huge chunks of our time. You know how one "quick" check of your email can suddenly turn into two hours before you know it? THAT is eDrain.

This goal came to me last night as I was sitting on the couch, using my laptop to Facebook and check on my thread on Babycenter. As I was sitting there I could hear my boys reading and playing on the bed in our bedroom.  Suddenly I had an epiphany. I constantly complain that I don't have enough time with my boys, yet here I am frittering away that time because I want to see what is going on in my social network. This appalled me, so I shut off the laptop, got up and engaged with my family.

Since trying to simplify and minimize isn't just about reducing what we own and what we spend, but also about creating more quality interactions with the people & things we love, I'm also going to try to focus on reducing my (and my family's) addiction to all things eDraining and thereby increasing our meaningful engagement with each other.

How are we reducing eDrain right now? On weeknights, no computer/TV until after the baby goes to bed and AFTER all the necessary tasks for that evening have been completed. I haven't come up with a plan for weekends, but I'm working on it-- I'm thinking set "okay" times to watch TV and use the computer, but haven't nailed that down yet. Like with the cell  phone rule, there will be some emergency usage allowed, but going forward my family will be the priority before my Facebook status!

So far this has been a fairly peaceful evening. It was such a difference to sit on the couch and chat with my husband while the boychild play; however as soon as he went down Diesel is on the laptop & I'm blogging. But, as soon as this blog is complete I'm going to go crack open the good book I'm reading and enjoy that!

My Son Wants Me to be Fat

I am training to "run" a 5k on Labor Day weekend. I put run in quotes because I'm a terrible runner and my body is rebelling at the thought of running 3.1 miles, even though I'm using a very common-sense approach to training for this run. (I'm using Cool Running's Couch-to-5k plan).

In order to get my runs in, and to be used to running in the morning (5k starts at 7 am!!!), I have started getting up around 5:30-6 a.m. and going out for my run/walk. Although I hate getting up so early, I rather like having an hour or so of "me" time, plus it gets the run out of the way so I'm not trying to figure out how to squeeze it intot he evening.

Herein lies the rub. Lately, Little Man has taken to showing up next to our bed somewhere in the middle of the night. In my groggy stupor I lift him into bed, usually with every intention of putting him back into his bed once he falls asleep, yet somehow this never happens.

TWICE this week, when I have tried to slip out of bed and go for my run, Little Man has woken up and been quite upset that I'm not still in bed snuggling him. Believe me. I'd rather be there too! On Tuesday I loaded him-- jammies & all-- into the stroller & took him with me on my run.

That sucked!

Today, every time I moved or tried to get up , he'd start whimpering. I went to the bathroom and full-on wailing began. I came back and soothed him to sleep, but the little booger sacked out ON TOP OF ME. 26 lbs gets heavy fast! I shifted him over to the middle of the bed and crept out to the kitchen to get my breakfast. No sooner had I poured the milk on my cereal than did I hear him crying for me. He made his way out to the living room, cheeks flushed & tear-stained, and lay his head in my lap.

Needless to say, I did not get my run in yet today.

Sometimes it is hard to get a little bit of "me" time.

"Because I'm not a woman anymore. I'm a mom."

The other day someone asked me how I came up with the name of my blog. I had to pull up this video to clue her in.



HILARIOUS!!!

The Frugality Experiment, Part 1

I just finished reading a great article, Side Effect of the New Frugality: Happiness, and am inspired. I really do want to start living frugally.

Stop laughing.

I know I have an astonishing Target addiction, coupled with a penchant for Acapulcos' happy hour, a strong dislike of cooking, and a love of shoes that caused a college roommate to refer to me as "little Imelda," all of which will make living frugally difficult; however, I like the idea of getting off of the "work-spend treadmill" and living and working for things that make me happy, instead of just "things."

My idea of living frugally amounts to taking baby steps towards a less materially driven life. The simple act of cutting out those things we don't need and valuing the things that we already have. Moving towards making our wallets not hurt and bettering us as a family.   So, for the next few months, I'm going to challenge my family to try cutting out/down on unnecessary expenditures.

The first challenge starts today: Two weeks without eating ANY meals out. NO meals out whatsoever. That doesn't mean we will never again eat out, but that, for the next few weeks, restaurants, drive-thrus, diners, food courts and the like are off-limits to us.  No quick pretzel & Diet Coke at Target, no Acapulcos' happy hour, no Foster Freeze Twisters... NADA.

This will take a lot of forethought. Dinners need to be planned & shopped for, lunches must be prepared before work (though we usually do this anyways), car trips and shopping trips need to be planned so that we have food at hand if our path crosses with a meal or just random hunger. It will be more work, but I think in the end our bank account (not to mention our waistlines) will thank us for it.

On the parenting side, I think about how few & far between our visits to restaurants were when I was growing up. Dinners out were always a special occasion and something exciting to do. I'd like that for Cooper. I don't want him growing up thinking it is normal to go out to dinner all the time. I think about how this is depriving him of a very simple pleasure that I had as a kid.

I don't know what our next frugal adventure will be, but I'm actually excited about the prospect of cutting out the unnecessary and creating new adventures as a result!

It Isn't Mommy Guilt.

I'm back to work after a week off with my boy. I hate coming back to work after vacations because it always reminds me how badly I want to be home with Cooper.

Being a stay at home mom is my heart's deepest desire. Anyone who has talked to me for more than 2 minutes knows this. I loathe getting up and going to work every day. Not because I don't like my job or anything like that, but because I so desperately want to be home. The fact that I have to get up and work a 40 hour week fills me with anger and sadness, but not guilt. It is important that I be 100% clear about this.

I DO NOT HAVE MOMMY GUILT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, but not guilty. In  fact, I think it is important that we start letting go of this concept of "mommy guilt." I loathe the phrase and hate the concept that I should feel guilty for trying to support my family in the best way I can. I don't feel guilty because I know that if I don't work, we don't have money to pay our mortgage. I think having a place to live is more important than Little Man having his Mama at home with him all day, every day.
 
The biggest contributor to my not having mommy guilt is that Little Man doesn't know any better. For all but the first 12 weeks of his life, he's been dropped off at my in-laws' home every day & picked up by me or his Dad every evening. This is his normal. Spending the day with Ah-ma & Ah-gon and then going home with us. When we don't take him there for a week or so he starts asking to go see them. Last night he asked "me go Ah-ma house?" What is there to feel guilty about there? He is in a safe place where he is MORE than well taken care of by people who love him.

I also realize that in the hours I spend with Little Man after work/on the weekends, I pack in a lot of "stuff." We do Mommy & Me Gymnastics, Saturday Story time and just play on the weekends. We talk in the car on the way to work and the way back. We spend a lot of quality time together. Granted, I spend a LOT of time letting him do his own thing, but I also get a lot of "good" time with him. A great article about how this generation--including us moms with jobs outside of the house-- spends more time with their kids than any previous generation, is Are You Spending Enough Time With Your Kids?It really reinforces, for me, my lack of guilt about working outside of the home.

Do I pray daily for a monetary windfall which will allow me to stay home full-time? Yes. Do I still find that the worst part of my day is dropping my son off and the best part is picking him up? Yes. Do I get mad that I'm not in a position to be home with him doing what I'd like to do with him? Yes. Does that make me sad? Yes.

Do I feel guilty that I work? No.

Travels with Toddlers

This is my new Indian name. Having braved a cross-country red-eye flight (followed by a 1.5 hour drive) with a toddler. Of course, I wasn't alone, I had my trusty side-kick Diesel and my sister and her 8 month old daughter, but still. It is a pretty major accomplishment!

Ready to Fly

Little Man slept for about 90% of the flight, which really helped. Thanks to my "dirty hippie" toddler sling, he also slept the whole way off of the plane, down to baggage claim and out to the car.

"Dirty Hippie" Mama

We borrowed the CARES harness from a friend, and I have to say it is a pretty neat little contraption. Little Man didn't really like it, but I think that was more a product of exhaustion than anything else. It was nice to not have to lug the carseat in the plane, but to have the security that Little Man was strapped in securely!

Note the less than thrilled expression

Overall, it was a successful flight. I'm pretty impressed with our little traveller man!

Daredevil

Today we had toddler gymnastics. At the end of class they let the toddlers come down to the main gym & jump into the foam pit. The other two children in Little Man's class are content to jump from the mats that the instructor, Miss Amanda, puts IN the foam pit. Little Man likes this, but really wants to jump from the tall crash mat that sits on the edge of the foam pit.  We're talking about a 3 ft tall crash mat, plus a 1.5-2ft drop into the pit. Finally today we asked Miss Amanda if he could jump from it. Hesitantly, she said yes. She made Little Man's day! (Diesel made the video in slow-mo at the end, so it plays twice)

Finding a Virtual Home

Before I had Little Man I could never understand the people who formed friendships with people in an on-line chat room or board. In fact, prior to Little Man I'd have put "friendship" in quotes, scoffing at the idea that you could be friends with people you didn't even know.

When I got pregnant, I joined the May 08 birth board on Babycenter. I'd post here & there, but mostly I gathered information about child birth, rolled my eyes at the militant mamas and the clueless first-time moms, but in general I felt detached from it. It was more like a rapidly updating, occasionally hysterical Wikipedia for the expectant mother. Even as other moms were posting their birth stories, I refrained from posting mine. I didn't see a reason. My "real" friends knew my story.

Then, about 8 weeks after Little Man's birth, I was unhappily facing the prospect of returning to work in a few weeks. I was browsing through the May 08 board and noticed a post asking about other moms who were going to be pumping at work. I went in and posted, because here was a group of women who were agonizing over going (or being) back to work and trying to figure out how to squeeze (no pun intended) in time to pump at work so we could continue to keep feeding our babies breastmilk. It was like our own Milk Memos.

In the beginning our posts were largely about Amedas and Medelas and how to keep our supply up and the best methods for storing milk. We also tackled other issues facing new moms-- the sadness of not being home with our babies and how to get our babies on a nap schedule and the trials and tribulations of getting infants to sleep through the night.

Then as time passed, we started really talking-- about husbands and body image and funny things that happened to us at the grocery store. About health scares and pregnancy scares and speeding tickets and the crazy things our babies did.

Over the past two years this amazing group of moms has become a close-knit group of FRIENDS. Friends who know the minutae of the day-to-day; friends who send each other Christmas cards; friends who have comforted one another through losses; friends who celebrated new babies and new houses. We text each other, IM with each other, talk on a daily basis. Not friends in quotation marks, but real friends.

I don't know if I can even put into words how much these ladies mean to me, but they have become such an amazing source of love and support that I cannot thank them enough. So PAW mamas, thank you for everything!

Sleep Ninja

My mom is here for the week to watch Little Man. YAY!

This morning I went over Little Man's schedule with her and told her that I didn't care where she went with him, just as long as he got a nap around 1-2pm.  I told her that he doesn't nap out & about, so they'd probably have to come home for naptime so he could nap in his bed.

At 12:30pm I get this text:

"Little Man says sleepy time"

Are you KIDDING me??? 

I swear that he's like a little sleep ninja. Just when I think I know all there is to know about his sleep habits.. WHAM! Sleep Ninja strikes!!!

Bribery works!

I am not too proud to admit that we totally bribed our son to stay in bed yesterday! We promised him a trip to Target, complete with pretzel, lemonade and a toy, but only if he stayed in his bed the whole night. And he did, mostly.

He got up twice, but Diesel & I decided they were both good enough reasons so they didn't count against him. First, he came into our bedroom and said "Mama, room too hot. Jamas wet." His room was, in fact, VERY warm and his pajamas were, in fact, wet (he had spilled his water on them somehow). So I changed his pajamas, arranged the A/C to blow in his room, put him back in bed & reminded him of the deal.

30 minutes later I hear little feet. "Mama?" asked a little voice "Me go potty?" Any potty training parent knows you can't argue with that request, even when you know they're playing you, so up on the potty he went, did his business, new diaper and into bed.

I didn't see him again until 5 am! I call that a success!!!

As we were getting ready, Diesel thanked Little Man for sleeping so well and Little Man very matter of factly replied "Pretzel. Lemmyade. Toy."

For the Love of All Things Holy, GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!

So Diesel & I had the audacity to go on a 3 day weekend to Vegas & leave Little Man with his grandparents. I am now sure that he is punishing us for this.

For the last week and a half, my formerly easy to put to bed son has refused to sleep. REFUSED. Bedtime rolls around. The first sign of trouble looming on the horizon is when we get the request for "one more Georgie?" Repeated several times until hysteria sets in. "No, we watched one Curious George, it is bedtime. Time to sleep. We're going to read books." 

So we sit in the glider, in dim light, and read a few books. We sing the bedtime lullaby & into bed Little Man goes. Every night the same thing happens.

"Mama. Wah-tuh?"
"Daddy put your water in your bed. Here is Baby & Cozy."
"Daddy KISS!"
"Ok. You stay in bed and Daddy will come give you a kiss."
Diesel enters, gives kiss, says "Good night Buddy, I love you." and leaves. I say "Good night, I love you more than anything" and leave.

Usually this marks the beginning of quiet Mommy & Daddy time while our darling boy slumbers...  NOW, it means in 5 or so minutes we'll hear little feet creeping through our bedroom. A tiny, grinning face then appears in the doorway.

"Ni hao Mama. I wake up."
"No, sir, you did not wake up. You haven't gone to bed."
So I scoop him up, put him back into bed. Say good night & leave.
As I'm leaving, I see his little legs swing out of bed and he runs for the door. I scoop him up and wordlessly put him in his bed. Before I can step away, his little legs swing out of bed again and he's off. Again, I scoop him up and wordlessly put him in bed and start to leave.

Repeat this 4 million times for the next hour, but add in a screaming & crying two year old and a mama who is trying to keep from losing her temper.  Eventually, I give up and say "ok. Mama will sit in the chair if you stay in bed." Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.

LAST NIGHT, however, takes the cake! 7:30 bedtime. I read, we sing, I put him in bed. Diesel laid in bed with him while I go on a run. I came back 30 minutes later & Diesel was still in there. I foolishly think "maybe they both fell asleep." In about 5 minutes I know how wrong I am. Little Man starts calling for me. I come in, say good night and leave. Diesel leaves.... Little Man shows up in our room 2 minutes later.
"Ni hao! I wake up"
I put him in bed, and because by now it is way past his bedtime I sit in the glider. Little Man meanwhile flops around on his bed like a fish, jabbering away. I'm doing my best to say nothing. He lays down and gets quiet. I move to sitting on the floor so I can stretch after my run. I hear his breathing getting slower & steadier, so I inch my way out of the room. I make it to the bathroom that adjoins our two bedrooms and Little Man sits bolt upright. "MAMA! I get toys!" he says as he slides out of bed & opens his cupboard & pulls out his steering wheel.

Oh sweet Jesus, give me strength.

I put him in bed, with his steering wheel and leave. For the next few minutes I hear "OH NO! Battery dead! Ah Gon sho li" (this is my, likely incorrect, romanization of my son's Mandarin. It means "Grandpa can fix it"). Then he toddles into our room, climbs into our bed and says "Me sleep Mama, Dada bed?"

Normally, this is a no-no, but it is now 9pm, I'm tired and I NEED him to sleep. I say "fine, but you have to lay down and sleep." For the next 30 minutes Little Man crawls under the pillows, turns on the lights, moos like a cow, takes of his pajamas and occasionally lays still. Finally we give up. It is time for the big guns.

We put him in bed, leave & lock the door behind him. 10 minutes of crying & knocking on the door commence. After that, Diesel goes in, puts him in bed. I come in give him kisses, say good night, Diesel leaves. I stay for a few minutes. Little Man starts snoring... All is right with the world.

Until 2:30 am...

In Memoriam

Today's post is a sad one. Tomorrow, May 3, is the 1 year anniversary of the passing of my sister's best friend, Jill St. Onge. Jill passed away suddenly, and inexplicably, while in Thailand with her fiance, Ryan. This tragedy is further compoounded by the fact that the Thai government has been less than helpful in finding out why Jill and another tourist suddenly died while staying in the same guest house.

For me, the loss of Jill is a sadness I feel on a many levels. First and foremost, a person whom I genuinely cared about has passed away. She passed away far too soon and has left behind so many people who would give anything to have just another minute with her. My heart aches deeply for Jill's family and friends. Every time I think of Jill, I think of how many people truly LOVED her. And how well she loved them all back.  I feel absolutely bereft for my sister, who lost her hands-down best friend ever in the world. Shannon wrote this last year and I can barely get through it without bursting into tears. It is absoluetly gut-wrenching to me.

And that brings me to the meat & potatoes of my post. When at a loss for something beautiful and eloquent to say, in true English teacher fashion, I reach into the poetry vault. Today I choose John Donne's poem "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning." Bear with me as I get teachery for a minute, but I have to explain WHY I choose this poem.

In this poem, Donne uses the image of the compass-- think geometry, not navigational-- to explain the way that love continues even after death. The idea that those who remain on earth are like the fixed foot, and the person who has passed is like the unfixed foot; while that foot travels far away, it is still always connected to the fixed foot. I like that Donne presents us with the idea that even death cannot conquer deep and abiding love-- instead it expands it and turns it into something different.

So without further ado:
A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning
by John Donne

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"The breath goes now," and some say, "No,"

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of the earth brings harms and fears,
Men reckon what it did and meant;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we, by a love so much refined
That our selves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion.
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two:
Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if the other do;

And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like the other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.

And  I close with this image of Jill. Travelling onward forever. Rest in peace beautiful girl.

Pure Genius!

Back from hiatus…


So Little Man is almost two (in two weeks! I can’t believe it!) and in true 2 year old fashion, he’s decided to exert his blossoming independence in one of the few ways he can… Refusal to eat veggies!

Gone are the days when my little potato would sneak broccoli florets off of my plate and devour them. Gone are the days of peas being consumed with reckless abandon. Siiigh.

After a few months of eating none of the veggies offered to him, I have found a sneaky way to get him eating veggies. No, this isn’t a recipe from Deceptively Delicious, though I do find that cookbook intriguing. Instead, it is far simpler and requires NO cooking on my part. What is this miraculous solution? Well, let me give some back story.

Last year, I stumbled upon a cool company called Revolution Foods. Not only are they an awesome company that is trying to improve the way our kids eat, but they have some awesome products. One of those awesome products are their Mash ups,

which are squeezable fruit packets. Awesome! I can toss one in my bag and give it to Little Man anywhere. He LOVES his “squeezies.”

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I was desperately trying to come up with a way to get Little Man to eat veggies, and I stumbled upon these beauties from Ella’s Kitchen and Plum Organics:

SQUEEZY PACKS OF VEGGIE/FRUIT BLENDS!!!

I’m so enamored of these little beauties. Granted, they are technically stage 1 baby foods, but Little Man doesn't know that! He thinks they are his "squeezies" and has sucked down his veggies like never before!

Thus far, he’s tried almost all the veggie flavors and has only rejected the Broccoli, Peas & Pears by Ella’s Kitchen (I tried it, it was pretty nasty). I’m so beyond excited-- I get a toddler who eats some veggies AND something to bribe him with? "You want some squeezie? you gotta eat some chicken first!"

Sometimes I think I might be a genius!