It Isn't Mommy Guilt.

I'm back to work after a week off with my boy. I hate coming back to work after vacations because it always reminds me how badly I want to be home with Cooper.

Being a stay at home mom is my heart's deepest desire. Anyone who has talked to me for more than 2 minutes knows this. I loathe getting up and going to work every day. Not because I don't like my job or anything like that, but because I so desperately want to be home. The fact that I have to get up and work a 40 hour week fills me with anger and sadness, but not guilt. It is important that I be 100% clear about this.

I DO NOT HAVE MOMMY GUILT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, but not guilty. In  fact, I think it is important that we start letting go of this concept of "mommy guilt." I loathe the phrase and hate the concept that I should feel guilty for trying to support my family in the best way I can. I don't feel guilty because I know that if I don't work, we don't have money to pay our mortgage. I think having a place to live is more important than Little Man having his Mama at home with him all day, every day.
 
The biggest contributor to my not having mommy guilt is that Little Man doesn't know any better. For all but the first 12 weeks of his life, he's been dropped off at my in-laws' home every day & picked up by me or his Dad every evening. This is his normal. Spending the day with Ah-ma & Ah-gon and then going home with us. When we don't take him there for a week or so he starts asking to go see them. Last night he asked "me go Ah-ma house?" What is there to feel guilty about there? He is in a safe place where he is MORE than well taken care of by people who love him.

I also realize that in the hours I spend with Little Man after work/on the weekends, I pack in a lot of "stuff." We do Mommy & Me Gymnastics, Saturday Story time and just play on the weekends. We talk in the car on the way to work and the way back. We spend a lot of quality time together. Granted, I spend a LOT of time letting him do his own thing, but I also get a lot of "good" time with him. A great article about how this generation--including us moms with jobs outside of the house-- spends more time with their kids than any previous generation, is Are You Spending Enough Time With Your Kids?It really reinforces, for me, my lack of guilt about working outside of the home.

Do I pray daily for a monetary windfall which will allow me to stay home full-time? Yes. Do I still find that the worst part of my day is dropping my son off and the best part is picking him up? Yes. Do I get mad that I'm not in a position to be home with him doing what I'd like to do with him? Yes. Does that make me sad? Yes.

Do I feel guilty that I work? No.